11/23/2025
>Be me
>At yoga, room is hot
>Bikram yoga = cult, my yoga class = no cult
>Waiting for class, don't know my neighbor
>Inspects ceiling, don't talk to me I'm busy
>Hello welcome to yoga, get into down dog
>OK boss
>Derik hums to himself in the corner sometimes
>Teacher requests focus on one point, focus on my butthole?
>Breathe in and out, I basically already know (free anal meditation video)
>Intense focus, am a meditator
>Whirling, twirling, wheel pose! So much intensity
>No tears only sweat
>Am too shy to request rename happy baby to dead bug, will rename in my head
>Still doesn't know difference between cobra and updog
>Finally calm, time for shavasana
>Derik still humming, is happy, good job Derik
>*Silence* almost done
>1:15 min later, time for 3 unifying oms, Deriks favorite
>Bring your hands to your third eye, Namaste
>Room is silent, we are spiritual
>A sudden noise
>Small, delicate, makes presence known
>A toot
>Who did that (was me)
>Internal battle begins
>Do I confess my farts after prayer or do I run
>The ceiling will not save me now
>Butthole had the audacity to fart in front of Krishna
>Runs away, luckily doesnt smell
>It is 3 months later, the story haunts me sometimes
> Now am enlightened
>Is what my butthole has to say not important?!?
>Derik was right about humming
>If your butthole needs to hum let it hum
>Live and let live, fart and let fart
>Am sure Krishna farts too
5/24/2025
>Got email from Evan
>Requests scratch and sniff butthole
>I will accommodate
4/28/2025
>Spider-Man is the greatest superhero of all time
>Andrew Garfield can GTFO tho
>Perhaps I can shoot webs from my butthole
>Another brilliant idea
4/28/2025
>Be me
>Updating phone at verizon
>Free iPhone 16, is a butthole BARGAIN!
>Cool, free phone, HD camera, great for pictures of butthole work
>Sends me home, I will install myself
>Shoot, I am technology illiterate
>Returns to Verizon next day, I cannot see the same agent again, he cannot know I am illiterate
>Deleted butthole artwork from photos IN ADVANCE in remembrance of the the 420 nail salon debockal
>Am not insane, I learn from butthole failures
>goes to alternative verizon, meets Josh
>"Maam which of these bazillion gmails do you want to use for YouTube music account"
>I have like 10 gmails
>heart sinks, remembers I have a butthole gmail account
>How do I explain this website, I am a working professional
>My dignity will only escalate-butthole girl is THAT girl
>I did not install my butthole gmail on my phone, I remain a mystery
>Relief
>End
4/20/2025
>Be me
>At nail salon, looking forward to day
>Self-care is so trendy right now
>Salon tech gives me basket of colors
>"What nails u want"
>I already know
>Has example on phone, forgets about butthole portfolio
>Salon tech looking over shoulder
>smh I am in trouble, God cannot help me now
>Scrolls through 20 buttholes until I find nail example
>Must remain anonymous, tries covering buttholes
>She knows highly classified information is on my phone, looks away
>We do not talk about it
>End